A Stillbirth is Still a Birth
In my experience with my daughter, Mira Lee, most people did not realize that I physically gave birth to her.
Mira Lee Price was born on August 23, 2020 – a bit too early at 21 weeks and 6 days. My birth experience was beautiful and overwhelmingly peaceful. The nurses and doctors at Huntsville Hospital that helped us were absolutely incredible. When we left, we received a box similar to the ones made at Ryker’s Rainbow and a book called “Tear Soup” – neither solved any bit of our loss, but did help my heart crawl towards being able to face what happened.
I had a baby. I gave birth.
I want to share about our daughter, I want to talk about our birth experience. This usually makes most people uncomfortable. (Oddly enough, Chrissy Teigen shared about her loss just one week after I shared. It made me feel so normal to see that another momma wants to talk about their stillborn baby – that I wasn’t crazy.)
Especially when a baby passes away, people don’t know what to say. If I let nothing be said, then the only narrative that will be heard is sadness. I want people to hear of the joy she brought me in our pregnancy. I want them to hear all of the things she taught me.
Yes, I mourn the loss of our Sweet Mira Lee. But I choose to focus on the joy she brought.
She brought me so much joy. She taught me so much about my body. She gave me so much hope. All of those emotions and memories with her in my belly were real. The fact that she did not live outside of my body does not take away from the joy she gave me.
This isn’t the kind of joy where you smile and laugh all the time. It’s the kind of joy that is quiet and constant. She made me a mother, I experienced birth, I was pregnant – there were so many things about her life in that short time that I celebrated. Why now, must I only feel sadness?
There are so many levels to what my motherhood with Sweet Mira Lee has looked like.
Honestly talking about her feels better than not. Other people hearing her story feels better than her being forgotten. Getting to share her name is sweet. Thank you for reading this & taking the time to hear about my baby girl.
One of the things that has helped me process this loss is poetry. I wrote this a week after she passed.
It has been a week since you left me sweet Mira. I think about you often and long to feel your presence.
I don’t ever want to forget the way you made me feel. The things you made me realize. Or the overwhelming love I felt for you when I held you.
I want to try and grasp on to every memory, sense and emotion I have from those moments with you.
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