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Pregnancy Made Me a Liar

Pregnancy Made Me a Liar

Last week, I lied to a perfectly nice sales clerk. I didn’t do this out of malice or because I felt the need to protect my privacy, it was pure vanity.

Let me back track just a bit. Have any of you ever heard of a little film called Away We Go? It stars Maya Rudolph (Bridesmaids, Up All Night) and Jim from The Office (I can never remember his name). It’s a movie about a young couple pregnant with their first child and at the beginning of the movie they find out the only living grandparents are moving to Europe. They then decide to travel the country visiting friends who have kids, and trying to decide where they want to live since they no longer have to worry about staying close to the grandparents.

It’s actually a really cute movie and I encourage you to see it. I mention it here because there is a running “gag” in the film about Maya’s character being only six months pregnant but people keep thinking she’s much further along.

THAT is exactly how I feel right now. And because of it, I’ve begun lying to strangers about when I’m due. The sales clerk, a perfectly nice young woman who was only asking me the question I get from EVERYONE nowadays was just the latest in a string of lies. Whenever random people ask me my due date, I usually say “Early Summer” and then, if they press for a date, I say “June” or “June 18”. It just rolls off the tongue. I don’t mean any harm and I don’t feel good about myself when I do it, but at 28 weeks, I look like I could give birth any day now and I literally HATE telling the truth.

I am actually due July 18th and I know that every woman carries differently but I will fight for my right to secretly despise those woman who look like this the day before they give birth.

Seriously? She gave birth the next day (3rd kid in 5 years)!

Recently, I was as a birthday party for one of my daughter’s playmates. It was hot with little shade outside and I took full advantage of being (and looking) very pregnant. I sat down throughout most of the party, I asked my husband to get stuff for me, and I answered question after question about the baby, how I felt, etc.

Then, as I was leaving, a woman I had spoken to earlier that day (and whose daughter is the same age as mine) asked me, “When are you due?”

“July 18th,” I replied.

“Oh, I’m due on July 28th,” she said.

Now, what I said was, “Congratulations!” But what I was thinking was – WHAT! This woman is due ten days after me? You have got to be kidding.

Hand to God, you could not even tell this woman was pregnant. She was definitely one of those women I talked about back in January and despite my best efforts, it made me feel bad about how large I am already.

So now, I find myself lying to complete strangers when asked my due date because frankly, it makes me feel just a little better. Whatever. I’m never going to see these people again. What do I care?

I can’t be the only pregnant woman who has fudged her due date when talking to strangers, right?

UPDATE: This video (which I found when I was searching for the Away We Go clip), just made me love Maya Rudolph even more because apparently, in real life, she is also big when pregnant. Who would have believed that it happens to movie stars too?

Is it sad that that just made my day?


View Comments (17)
  • I totally understand. I really hated the “Are you having twins?” comment, especially when I still had 2 months to go! (No, it was one VERY big baby.)

  • You do carry very high! I am the opposite, I never looked pregnant (just fat) until like 9 months. I get very jealous of the women who look pregnant early on. I never had to lie because no one really knew (if it wasn’t for the swollen face and and feet). I left work 7 months pregnant and half of the people I worked with didn’t even realize I was!

    • See, this is why I write about this stuff! It gives me perspective. I AM happy that by about 5 months I went from looking just “chubby” to pregnant. I guess it would be even harder on my ego if I just looked big. That said, I’m looking forward to getting this whole business behind me 🙂

  • I think you look fabulous, and very “cute pregnant.” Most women probably secretly resent all the skinny-with-a-basketball women anyway.

    I think in the long run I’d rather look pregnant than just kind of heavy… that way I don’t get the side-eye from people if I eat a second (or third) cupcake 🙂

  • When I see a woman who is as ripe with pregnancy as you describe, I am just happy for them! I’d far rather see that than one of those women who are so busy trying to “preserve their bodies” that they don’t gain weight or even look pregnant. Enjoy the fullness and richness of everything you are. It is a beautiful thing – and now I wish I could be pregnant again!!!!

  • I have the same problem, and then people usually continue to go on and on about how there’s no way I am not going to have this baby today. Oh well, gives me opportunity to talk about my kids. I also avoid eye contact with strangers right now.

  • I hear ya! Four babies and I carried each one differently! My 2 boys, I can say, I felt more energized, less nauseous, and overall cuter. 🙂 I seemed to only carry them in the front and had less “wrap-around” baby fat. 🙂 My 2 girls, however, it was all-over…and I do mean ALL-over. I had extra plumpy everything, including my lips! 🙂 My babies’ weights were 6lb 14oz (girl), 7lb 11oz (boy), 9lb 2oz (girl), and 8lb 14oz (boy – who was 2 weeks early and came on his own). My #4 was on track to be a real whopper – although I kid that after my 9 pounder that I delivered naturally, was lodged sunny-side up and came into the world looking up at us with her sweet face, #4 wasn’t all that challenging and was my best delivery of all of them. My #3 and #4 were natural births with no epidural! 🙂 That’ll make you feel all kinds of “real woman”! 🙂 hehe.

    Loved this story – I always looked huge, by anyone’s standard. 5’4″ doesn’t give you a whole lot of places to carry extra weight. 🙂 My 5’10” sister-in-law seemed to barely show despite her proud ingestion of loads of ice cream and late-night doughnuts. Not so fair… 🙂 I heard the “are you sure it’s not twins?” plenty of times and my all time favorite was when they’d look at you, tilt their heads, and say….”Bless your heart.”

    Hahahahaha! Thank you. Yes, thank you for that.


  • I totally lied about my due date…I don’t know why, I just did…and your post just made me feel a little better about it :). Thanks!

  • I have a super short waist and NO hips, so my babies pop right out front from day one. With my first, I was so self conscious about it and I would do lie about my due date all the time. However, with my second, I would say “around Halloween” since she was due November 7th (she was born November 17th) and if people said anything I would tell them “Well, I’m glad she’s big and healthy!” and walk away before comments could be made.
    Now that I am on my third, I couldn’t give a rat’s behind what anyone thinks. It’s really quite liberating. I will say “fall” or “when it gets here” (we don’t yet know the gender). That usually shuts people up. Most people are just well meaning, but it definitely can get old. It’s like I said in my Ten Thing to Never Say to a Pregnant Woman post, NEVER BRING UP HOW BIG SHE IS!
    And just for the record, I think you look great!

  • I can totally relate! I’m 36 weeks along. 2 weeks ago a very rude cashier at Sam’s Club asked how many babies I was carrying b/c as she said, “that surely can’t just be one in there.” Then the next day another lady at Tuesday Morning came up to me and said “Well someone’s about to go to the hospital and deliver.” For the record I am just carrying one and I happen to make big babies, my 1st was over 9lbs and my 2nd was just under. I’m sure that #3 will be right up there.

    And I LOVE that movie!

  • From someone who is only 23 weeks along and had a skinny little teenager tell me just last night that I’m already SO big…I can totally feel your pain! I replied that I wasn’t done growing and yes I do tend to get big in my stomach so it will probably only get worse. lol To which she “nicely” stated that hopefully I wouldn’t get as bad as with my last one. Seriously? I was thinking couldn’t you have just kept those thoughts to yourself?! (I should add that her own mom had 6 kids and is model thin and looked that way while pregnant too…..but that’s because she actually WAS a model and is like 6 feet tall! haha We’re just not all that lucky.)
    I try to be vague about my due date too but always have the nosy ones who want to know that exact day of course. But hey this is my 4th so I’ve decided I really just don’t care what they think! Now myself, I’m not too happy about the whole big miserable part at the moment. 🙂

  • I had an old co worker that was long waisted and NEVER looked pregnant. She got a tiny pooch. Never needed maternity anything. Went up 2 sizes in pants and was mad from maybe a 6 to a 10. We had zero sympathy for her.

    I am short waisted and popped this week (16 weeks now)3 days in a row I was bigger and bigger. Thankfully I have c/d boobs so my belly is still hidden by them. I’m a secret baby smuggler currently :). I want to hold off on the general public knowing I am pregnant for a tiny bit longer.

  • Hahaha! I loved this post. I totally lied about my due dates, too. I’m small (5’1″) and when I get pregnant I am huge. So huge that people stop and stare, managers follow me around the grocery stores, sure that I’m about to go into labor any second and yes, I’ve lied and told strangers it was twins just so they would shut the hell up.

  • I felt like a cow both times. I’m 4’11 and my husband is 6’2. Our strapping boys weighed in at 9lb 3oz & 8lb 15oz, both by c-section. I was asked if I was having twins. We had 2 miscarriages before the oldest was born, so I was worried about them. I never thought to change my date. That’s a breath idea

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