The Best of the Worst Dad Jokes

It seems that dads have been telling corny, so-terrible-sometimes-they’re-actually-funny Dad Jokes since the beginning of time. Surely our Founding Fathers told a few. (Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom, where else would they sign it?) Maybe it’s because once you’ve been in the parenting trenches and experienced the sleep deprived and often chaotic life of being an engaged dad, you have to laugh to keep from crying.

We asked you to send us your favorite dad jokes, and we received lots from local dads themselves as well as a few from readers who wanted to share jokes their dads told them… all the time. Which one is your favorite? Leave us yours in the comments.

Archaeologist digging in a Pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche.
– Joe V.

Cashier asks: “Would you like your milk in the bag?”
I reply: “No, just keep it in the carton, thanks.”
– Jesse M.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
– Pete T.


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What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password?
1forest1
– Jonathan M.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing!
– Joe V.

A duck hands some chapstick to the pharmacist who asks “Will you be paying cash or check?” The duck says, “Just put it in my bill.”
– Don B.

My Dad would intentionally stand in front of the TV and when I would ask him to move he would do a little dance and say, “I’m moving!” When I would ask my dad to turn off the light after he tucked me in, he would turn it off, and then turn it right back on and walk out the room saying, “I turned if off for you, you didn’t ask me to leave it off.” I would tell my dad that I was going to run to the store and he would say, “I would drive, you’ll go a lot faster.” I would tell my dad I was going to jump in the shower and he would say, “don’t do that! It’s dangerous! You’ll slip and fall!” For the record, my husband says the same thing to me now.
– Kim H.


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I’m thinking about getting a new haircut…
I’m going to mullet over.
– Josh J.

Me: “Brrrrr! It’s freezing – I’m cold in here!”
Dad: “Hi Cold, I’m Steve. Nice to meet you.”
– Stephenie W.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes Sean Connery.
– Charlene R.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
– Eric P.

There once was a man fired from the orange juice factory. Why? Oh, he couldn’t concentrate!
– Janet S. (In memory of Bob Stephens, who always had the best jokes.)

What do alligators drink when they’re thirsty?
Gatorade.
– Nathan M.

Did you read about the guy who got killed falling into a machine at the glasses factory? Really made a spectacle of himself.
– Dewayne P.

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Since the dawn of time, dads have been telling corny, goofy Dad Jokes. We asked for your favorites!