Pregnancy Made Me a Liar

Last week, I lied to a perfectly nice sales clerk. I didn’t do this out of malice or because I felt the need to protect my privacy, it was pure vanity.

Let me back track just a bit. Have any of you ever heard of a little film called Away We Go? It stars Maya Rudolph (Bridesmaids, Up All Night) and Jim from The Office (I can never remember his name). It’s a movie about a young couple pregnant with their first child and at the beginning of the movie they find out the only living grandparents are moving to Europe. They then decide to travel the country visiting friends who have kids, and trying to decide where they want to live since they no longer have to worry about staying close to the grandparents.

It’s actually a really cute movie and I encourage you to see it. I mention it here because there is a running “gag” in the film about Maya’s character being only six months pregnant but people keep thinking she’s much further along.

THAT is exactly how I feel right now. And because of it, I’ve begun lying to strangers about when I’m due. The sales clerk, a perfectly nice young woman who was only asking me the question I get from EVERYONE nowadays was just the latest in a string of lies. Whenever random people ask me my due date, I usually say “Early Summer” and then, if they press for a date, I say “June” or “June 18”. It just rolls off the tongue. I don’t mean any harm and I don’t feel good about myself when I do it, but at 28 weeks, I look like I could give birth any day now and I literally HATE telling the truth.

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I am actually due July 18th and I know that every woman carries differently but I will fight for my right to secretly despise those woman who look like this the day before they give birth.

Seriously? She gave birth the next day (3rd kid in 5 years)!

Recently, I was as a birthday party for one of my daughter’s playmates. It was hot with little shade outside and I took full advantage of being (and looking) very pregnant. I sat down throughout most of the party, I asked my husband to get stuff for me, and I answered question after question about the baby, how I felt, etc.

Then, as I was leaving, a woman I had spoken to earlier that day (and whose daughter is the same age as mine) asked me, “When are you due?”

“July 18th,” I replied.

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“Oh, I’m due on July 28th,” she said.

Now, what I said was, “Congratulations!” But what I was thinking was – WHAT! This woman is due ten days after me? You have got to be kidding.

Hand to God, you could not even tell this woman was pregnant. She was definitely one of those women I talked about back in January and despite my best efforts, it made me feel bad about how large I am already.

So now, I find myself lying to complete strangers when asked my due date because frankly, it makes me feel just a little better. Whatever. I’m never going to see these people again. What do I care?

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I can’t be the only pregnant woman who has fudged her due date when talking to strangers, right?

UPDATE: This video (which I found when I was searching for the Away We Go clip), just made me love Maya Rudolph even more because apparently, in real life, she is also big when pregnant. Who would have believed that it happens to movie stars too?

Is it sad that that just made my day?