My son looked at this manger scene, something that was in my house growing up and I snagged after Dad died because I love it dearly, and said, “Oh! Is that me as a baby? With Nikki and E?”
Sometimes it’s very obvious we are not a Christian family.
My family does not practice any religion in any form. My husband and I both grew up in Christian churches, but we abandoned those beliefs long ago. However, we do celebrate Christmas, and some people struggle with that. How can a family that doesn’t believe in God, participate in a holiday celebrating the birth of God’s son? Simple!
First of all – we talk a lot about Jesus in this house. I often tell the kids about the teachings of Jesus because I want them to understand that he taught great things and there is nothing wrong with trying to be like him. However, I explain the difference in how other religions see him. Some see him as a prophet. Some as a teacher and a good man. And then some – most of their friends – see him as the Savior and the Son of God.
SO! That’s the basic religious background that we give the kids.
When it comes to Christmas I explain that there are religious elements that we don’t celebrate. We don’t go to church. We don’t set up a nativity scene (Although we do have some manger-type decorations that are gifts or sentimental). We don’t do an Advent Calendar. We do try to remind them about those religious elements (obviously not often enough, thanks to the question about Wesley In The Manger) but I just describe them in the same way I do everything that is What Some People Do But Not Us. Some people celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmas. But not our family.
However – there are elements of Christmas – like the Christmas Tree – that have roots in pagan celebrations. For awhile, even, the Puritans who colonized New England banned trees AND gifts because of their pagan origins. And Santa Claus? While he may have religious roots (Saint Nicholaus) some Catholics (I can’t remember what other religions have saints) don’t even really try to connect the Bishop/Saint with the guy at the North Pole. And if you go TOO far trying to explain Santa Claus to your kids, then it suddenly becomes “not real” so I just play dumb a lot of the time.
When they ask, and Nikki does often, I just point out that even the date – December 25th – was chosen to combine the Christian Celebration and Pagan celebrations honoring Saturn and Mithra, so that more people would participate. I remind her that while celebrating the Birth of Jesus does belong to the Christians, Christmas as we know it today belongs to anyone who wants to participate in whatever element they want. I even point out people we know who are Jewish and celebrate the same elements of Christmas we do (Trees, Santa, Food) but not the religious elements as they have their own religious celebration.
It’s tricky. Especially when they have friends at school constantly questioning their lack of knowledge – or belief – in their religion.
It’s tricky. Especially when they have friends at school constantly questioning their lack of knowledge – or belief – in their religion. Sometimes our talks go much deeper regarding religion… we discuss the afterlife and heaven and what I believe about it all. We discuss salvation and sinning. But at this age, a lot of it still just goes back to: Why Don’t We Go To Church? Which I always answer the same: Because church is for people who believe in what the church teaches. And Daddy and I don’t believe in those things. If you choose to believe them someday, I hope you find a church that supports you and the people you love.
Oh – and of course the newest holiday question – Is that me? Or Jesus?
Kim Holmes is a mom of three who has been writing online at www.misszoot.com for over 10 years. She falls down a lot and can often be found with stains on her shirt and mismatched shoes. In other words, Kim does not want you to mistake her for someone glamorous. You can follow her on Twitter (@misszoot) where you can catch her talking about the various TV shows she pretends she doesn't watch.