Gah. I feel like I write this post about three times a year.
First of all – I feel the need to caveat all of this. Yes, there are TWO boys that live in my house. Bryan has TWO sons. Of COURSE we count both of them. But for the sake of my ovaries, I count the number of children I pushed out of my birth canal. So. That.
I am of these two very distinct minds when it comes to our family.
1) The Practical Mind
Okay, people who tell you to NOT consider financial aspects or real estate aspects or whatever aspects of your life when you debate having a baby are crazy, in my book. If we were all unemployed in mountains of debt? I would feel irresponsible having another baby. THAT’S JUST ME. But we’re not unemployed. And we’re not under mountains of debt. We’re actually… good, even. We can even see the end of preschool payments.
We live (rather tightly) in a three-bedroom house. Every child has their own room. We could STAND a bigger house as it is now; having another baby would necessitate moving. Couple that with “new” car purchases in the last year that lock us into a two-kid capacity, and we’re suddenly car shopping as well. Also throw in my AWFUL and UNBEARABLE breastfeeding situation in the last round, and we’d also be back in Formula Land. (Which? Look, I would happily do again. Breast is best, but happy baby and happy momma are ACTUALLY best.) And we’d just be lining up ANOTHER preschool payment.
So another baby? Would necessitate: a new house, two new cars, a new daycare payment, and all the requisite baby stuff that we’d literally have to buy because we got rid of all of Tony’s stuff.
This is not practical.
2) My Heart
I liken it to finding your strength through exercise. The more you realize your body can accommodate, the more you want to challenge it. You’re always striving to better your time on that lap, or best your weight for the next rep. Having a baby stretched my heart so incredibly much, I wonder how much more it can accommodate.
I think Tony would be an amazing big brother.
I don’t feel done yet.
Deep down in my heart, I want another baby.
So there we are. Or I am.
And because we are practical people, that’s where we are. Hearts be damned.